Brilliant Erin. Grifters big and small, successful and trying to be, are everywhere. What’s so hard is the way I want to give them the benefit of the doubt even when those grifter bells are going off. Do you do that too? Until it’s too late? I have a family member who has been sucked into a long line of them, from The Forum, to Tony Robbins, to the Mastermind, and now Joe Dispenza. She’s a smart woman and it’s hard to watch how invested she becomes (financially, emotionally, spiritually) and then eventually, bc the life promised becomes unattainable, she moves into the next.
Great essay. It makes me think about all of the people I follow online and what their true intentions are. I feel like altruism is scarce in today’s world, but when you come across someone who truly does something without the expectation of something in return, you are lucky. Some of the best feelings I have had in my life has been on the giving or receiving end of an altruistic act. It’s difficult to find this online.
Altruism is rare and important, but I don’t think it’s necessary for something to NOT be a grift. The line being sales/building a legit business and grifting can definitely be thin, though
I think most start out with altruistic intentions but once they realize they could capitalize off of it, they lose sight of their original intentions. Quite frankly most marketing/sales strategies have a grift element. Add-ons and upselling have been around forever. Anyone overly concerned about revenue/profit are always thinking of ways for people to spend more. If they have a loyal following, it gets taken advantage of. Even if the consumers finds the value and considers their money well-spent. Without a doubt, they still paid more than they needed to pay and probably would've faired just as well without the product or experience.
Loved this breakdown. I’ve been in or on the periphery of several cults of the vaguely spiritual, self growth and wellness variety, and everything you say here tracks. We really need these patterns broken down in easy to digest language like you do here to be able to see the pattern.
One that I’ll add is what I’ve heard called ‘strategic confusion’ which is perhaps a variation of loaded language. It’s where things don’t actually make sense, but the leader seems to say that once you progress along the path, they will. And until then, that’s why you just have to trust that I understand a truth you can’t perceive yet. It’ll be a mixed message like trust yourself/trust us, sovereignty/surrender obedience/freedom. Our brains don’t like the non-sense making of it, so we keep turning to the leader for answers.
One last thought. Do you know the book The Guru Papers? It’s brilliant and really helped me break down the psychology behind any kind of disfunctional teacher-student dynamic.
I think one of the worst scars left from these grifters, is the one from dejection, and sometimes rejection, we get from them when attempting (and expecting) that we will be accepted into the group, into the world and movements they are leading.
It’s the worst self-esteem and self-worth injury to be strung along by their captivating leadership and presence to believe that we are “in” and belong and then once in, once “joined”, once paid-up, we get the automated message of thanks, or even worse, ignored as the next target is pursued.
It’s the worst feeling.
It sets up a false sense of being unloved. Despair sets in.
I honestly feel that this is a major component in the growing sense of despair (and even deaths of despair) in society.
Thank you for writing this. I hope it gets a lot of attention, the good kind. Our minds are for sale in today’s world. Our thoughts click baited into complacency. This piece is such a great exposure. Being in a spiritual path alongside the birth and growth of the internet has been a huge lesson in discernment, and a willingness to see the “gurus” with clarity. Which really translates in to being able to know Self. I am my own authority.
Great article with valuable information. I know now that I’ve seen this happen to people I know but I didn’t know what it was. Early on (say, a decade or more ago) I had this vague feeling that something was wrong with me because I didn’t “get it” (whatever some cultish personality was selling). As time passed, I was relieved I was spared this or that trap. But I think I’m skeptic now to a fault. I’m depending on that skepticism as maybe the only way (or one way) to survive when you (like me) have a tendency to trust that people are who they present themselves to be. It’s like the internet has permitted us to “know” too many people - so many that we can’t possibly know them all, and we need protection from these rackets coming at us from all angles. I’m sure I’ve dismissed people as kooky who probably really had something valuable to offer. It’s just too much work to sort it all out.
Thank you, Erin. This helps me to think about this with a little more understanding. As all your work does!
"It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. So keep on thinking free." The Moody Blues A very insightful essay. Yes, survival and comfort are instincts, and our present culture is feeding on it. Freedom and liberty are values that require taking responsibility. And yes, we, as a culture have gone a bit more insane than my liking.
This is so well described, thank you for your thoughtfulness. As a veteran of several online communities and an in-person cult, I’ve experienced these dynamics playing out, especially the us/them one. We called non-members “muggles,” in contrast to our activated magical abilities (of sensitivity, intuition, resonance, etc). 🙄😂
Adore this Erin. I had a brief stint in what felt like the height of grifting during and post-lockdown. After a decade as a business owner and a successful sale, at a vulnerable 30 years old, I fell into the online coaching underworld.
What I got was a depleted post-business-sale bank account and the lowest self-belief I’ve ever had. I was well and truly pulled into ‘I have limiting beliefs to work through if I want to make it in this space.’
I’m still recovering. Thank you so much for putting everything I felt into words.
Thank you for this! I have been noticing this overwhelming type of community that's not quite a pyramid scheme, but very similar, and I didn't have words for it. I'm very glad you saw through it and you can move on!
Only I don't agree with this : "It used to be that if you went to school, you could get a job, which would get you a house, health insurance, and a vacation or two every year. But now, that’s all far from a guarantee. Add a rapidly changing climate, threats of nuclear war, and wealth inequality surpassing levels of a falling empire". This used to be the exception if you were born the right color and right sex. Otherwise, okay climate change probably is the only new thing. Nuclear war threats is one of the very few and successful instances when international agreements and efforts worked out and we haven't yet exploded. That's definitely not happening now. I'd like to appreciate what previous generations achieved regarding the threat of nuclear war. I don't see people scared as they were during the cold war when nuclear war almost happened several times. I can't think of a place where you had a job after school and a house and health insurance and a vacation or two, unless you were a white male in a few selected countries, for some 20-30 years time gap like the French Trente Glorieuses. I understand we all know a now very old man who used to be the only breadwinner of a family of 4 or 5 ( this puts women in a very bad place. In many western advanced countries they couldn't even open a bank account in the 70s). They probably went to war, or managed not to go to war, or had their parents killed in war, and they most likely lived through the cold war. I definitely wouldn't live anytime in the past.
Brilliant Erin. Grifters big and small, successful and trying to be, are everywhere. What’s so hard is the way I want to give them the benefit of the doubt even when those grifter bells are going off. Do you do that too? Until it’s too late? I have a family member who has been sucked into a long line of them, from The Forum, to Tony Robbins, to the Mastermind, and now Joe Dispenza. She’s a smart woman and it’s hard to watch how invested she becomes (financially, emotionally, spiritually) and then eventually, bc the life promised becomes unattainable, she moves into the next.
Girl I did it for YEARS. Partially because I was benefitting from it too
Curious…What are your thoughts on Dispenza?
I’ve consumed his work, I think he has some good stuff, but that said I think a lot of it is pseudo-profound bullshit.
Pseudo-profound bullshit. I like this term!
Great essay. It makes me think about all of the people I follow online and what their true intentions are. I feel like altruism is scarce in today’s world, but when you come across someone who truly does something without the expectation of something in return, you are lucky. Some of the best feelings I have had in my life has been on the giving or receiving end of an altruistic act. It’s difficult to find this online.
Altruism is rare and important, but I don’t think it’s necessary for something to NOT be a grift. The line being sales/building a legit business and grifting can definitely be thin, though
I think most start out with altruistic intentions but once they realize they could capitalize off of it, they lose sight of their original intentions. Quite frankly most marketing/sales strategies have a grift element. Add-ons and upselling have been around forever. Anyone overly concerned about revenue/profit are always thinking of ways for people to spend more. If they have a loyal following, it gets taken advantage of. Even if the consumers finds the value and considers their money well-spent. Without a doubt, they still paid more than they needed to pay and probably would've faired just as well without the product or experience.
True. It’s all about adding true value to someone’s life. Grifting preys on perceived value.
Wow! I follow you because you always seem to have insight into the manic world we currently live in and it always seems to be spot on!
Thank you!! I try my best.
Loved this breakdown. I’ve been in or on the periphery of several cults of the vaguely spiritual, self growth and wellness variety, and everything you say here tracks. We really need these patterns broken down in easy to digest language like you do here to be able to see the pattern.
One that I’ll add is what I’ve heard called ‘strategic confusion’ which is perhaps a variation of loaded language. It’s where things don’t actually make sense, but the leader seems to say that once you progress along the path, they will. And until then, that’s why you just have to trust that I understand a truth you can’t perceive yet. It’ll be a mixed message like trust yourself/trust us, sovereignty/surrender obedience/freedom. Our brains don’t like the non-sense making of it, so we keep turning to the leader for answers.
One last thought. Do you know the book The Guru Papers? It’s brilliant and really helped me break down the psychology behind any kind of disfunctional teacher-student dynamic.
Well said!
Great article. Thank you for shedding light on the Wellness Self help industry guru grift.
Powerful Erin!
I think one of the worst scars left from these grifters, is the one from dejection, and sometimes rejection, we get from them when attempting (and expecting) that we will be accepted into the group, into the world and movements they are leading.
It’s the worst self-esteem and self-worth injury to be strung along by their captivating leadership and presence to believe that we are “in” and belong and then once in, once “joined”, once paid-up, we get the automated message of thanks, or even worse, ignored as the next target is pursued.
It’s the worst feeling.
It sets up a false sense of being unloved. Despair sets in.
I honestly feel that this is a major component in the growing sense of despair (and even deaths of despair) in society.
We need IRL community again. IRL connection.
Great article!
Thank you for writing this. I hope it gets a lot of attention, the good kind. Our minds are for sale in today’s world. Our thoughts click baited into complacency. This piece is such a great exposure. Being in a spiritual path alongside the birth and growth of the internet has been a huge lesson in discernment, and a willingness to see the “gurus” with clarity. Which really translates in to being able to know Self. I am my own authority.
Great article with valuable information. I know now that I’ve seen this happen to people I know but I didn’t know what it was. Early on (say, a decade or more ago) I had this vague feeling that something was wrong with me because I didn’t “get it” (whatever some cultish personality was selling). As time passed, I was relieved I was spared this or that trap. But I think I’m skeptic now to a fault. I’m depending on that skepticism as maybe the only way (or one way) to survive when you (like me) have a tendency to trust that people are who they present themselves to be. It’s like the internet has permitted us to “know” too many people - so many that we can’t possibly know them all, and we need protection from these rackets coming at us from all angles. I’m sure I’ve dismissed people as kooky who probably really had something valuable to offer. It’s just too much work to sort it all out.
Thank you, Erin. This helps me to think about this with a little more understanding. As all your work does!
"It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. So keep on thinking free." The Moody Blues A very insightful essay. Yes, survival and comfort are instincts, and our present culture is feeding on it. Freedom and liberty are values that require taking responsibility. And yes, we, as a culture have gone a bit more insane than my liking.
Bingo, loved this piece
This is so well described, thank you for your thoughtfulness. As a veteran of several online communities and an in-person cult, I’ve experienced these dynamics playing out, especially the us/them one. We called non-members “muggles,” in contrast to our activated magical abilities (of sensitivity, intuition, resonance, etc). 🙄😂
MUGGLES. Kind of can’t believe I didn’t use that one as an example lol
The us vs them is super powerful. It seems obvious when you’re outside of it, but when you’re in it, it just makes sense.
Right? Muggles is a good one lol
So true, it just made sense when we were inside of that reality. Now I can see what an effective tool it was to manipulate us.
I’m reading Doctorow’s “Enshitification” which explains web business’s grifting
Adore this Erin. I had a brief stint in what felt like the height of grifting during and post-lockdown. After a decade as a business owner and a successful sale, at a vulnerable 30 years old, I fell into the online coaching underworld.
What I got was a depleted post-business-sale bank account and the lowest self-belief I’ve ever had. I was well and truly pulled into ‘I have limiting beliefs to work through if I want to make it in this space.’
I’m still recovering. Thank you so much for putting everything I felt into words.
Adored this article, thank you
Thank you for this! I have been noticing this overwhelming type of community that's not quite a pyramid scheme, but very similar, and I didn't have words for it. I'm very glad you saw through it and you can move on!
Only I don't agree with this : "It used to be that if you went to school, you could get a job, which would get you a house, health insurance, and a vacation or two every year. But now, that’s all far from a guarantee. Add a rapidly changing climate, threats of nuclear war, and wealth inequality surpassing levels of a falling empire". This used to be the exception if you were born the right color and right sex. Otherwise, okay climate change probably is the only new thing. Nuclear war threats is one of the very few and successful instances when international agreements and efforts worked out and we haven't yet exploded. That's definitely not happening now. I'd like to appreciate what previous generations achieved regarding the threat of nuclear war. I don't see people scared as they were during the cold war when nuclear war almost happened several times. I can't think of a place where you had a job after school and a house and health insurance and a vacation or two, unless you were a white male in a few selected countries, for some 20-30 years time gap like the French Trente Glorieuses. I understand we all know a now very old man who used to be the only breadwinner of a family of 4 or 5 ( this puts women in a very bad place. In many western advanced countries they couldn't even open a bank account in the 70s). They probably went to war, or managed not to go to war, or had their parents killed in war, and they most likely lived through the cold war. I definitely wouldn't live anytime in the past.