I know what keeps you young
trust me, I'm a social scientist
Two weeks ago, I was in Tennessee for my cousin's wedding. The morning after, they hosted a “farewell brunch” at their home.
Cute.
When I walked into the house, I was immediately greeted by the aroma of homemade cinnamon rolls baking in the oven and the lull of hollow, awkward chatter between people who don’t know each other well—but it’s my Aunt Diana who catches my eye.
There isn’t a single woman I know more incredible than my Aunt Diana—colloquially known far and wide as Auntie Di. Not only is she my Great Aunt, she’s everyone’s Auntie™. Without any grandchildren of her own, it’s a role she takes very seriously.
At 81, she’s darting around with the agility of someone 30 years her junior, her eyes twinkling as she prepares mimosas for each and every guest. She glides between clusters of people, wrapping her arms around people she only met two days earlier, making sure they got enough to eat, laughing at jokes—her hands never idle. I watch, stunned and starry-eyed, as she moves with a lightness and purpose that defies her age, her energy palpable. It’s as if she’s fueled by the joy of seeing everyone comfortable, fed, and happy; a silent orchestra conductor bringing harmony to the room. I’m drawn to her energy like a moth to a flame.
My Auntie Di has a way of making you feel important, interesting, and cared for. We would spend every other Christmas with my mom’s side of the family at her house and she is unequivocally the best host on the face of the planet: snacks in every corner of the house, games and activities planned, and an incredible cook to boot. One year she even had ~professional carolers~ come to Christmas Eve. At the same time, she’s a straight shooter—if she sees some bullshit she will call it out. She’s lived on every continent (including a short stint in Antarctica) and, as you can imagine, is a great storyteller. In short, she’s everything I want to be.
As the token black sheep of my family, I’ve let go of trying to fit in. Instead, I just observe.
I play the role of a social scientist, and I just watch the dynamics unfold, taking little mental notes, trying to figure out why people are the way they are. And it’s only become spicier as people get older.
As someone with a particular interest in longevity, noticing how people age and their lives up until that point and connecting the dots is my favorite thing to postulate in my role as an armchair social scientist (LOL I just now remembered I majored in Social Science in college 🤦🏻♀️).
You see, my Auntie Di’s mother, my great-grandma Opal, was also an incredible woman. She was a wheat farmer her whole life and was fiercely independent. In her advanced age, she made the call on her own accord when it was time to stop driving and time to go into assisted living. But she didn’t just sit around waiting to die like a lot of people in her position. No. She kept fit, took the bus to the casino on the weekends with her girlfriends, and knitted hats and booties for babies in the NICU. She was sharp as a tack, as well. I didn’t get to see her often, but the Christmas before she died I talked to her on Facetime and she knew everything about what was going on in my life and wanted to hear all about it.
She lived to 104.
On my dad’s side, I had another great-grandmother who lived to 100. But it was a much different story. She took the path of dying a long death. I don’t think she knew who I was for the last 10 years.
As my grandparents and parents get older, I notice how their respective lifestyles affect how they age. And from all of this noticing I’ve been doing, I think I know what keeps you young. And not looking young or even just living for a long time, but how to live a long time with a spark of vibrance and vitality—something I think we all hope to have if we’re blessed to live long enough.
But before I get to that, I want to talk about the Blue Zones, because they’re kind of all the rage right now when it comes to this conversation and I know it’s going to come up. If you don’t know what Blue Zones are, they’re areas of the world with the highest concentration of centenarians (people who live to 100+), as cherry-picked by Dan Buettner. They consist of Ikaria, Greece, Loma Linda, California, Sardinia, Italy, Okinawa, Japan, and Nicoya, Costa Rica. From traveling to these places, Buettner concluded that what makes people live long, healthy lives is:
Natural Movement: People in Blue Zones incorporate physical activity naturally throughout their day, such as gardening, walking, or manual labor. They don’t necessarily exercise in gyms but maintain an active lifestyle.
Plant-Based Diets: Their diets are largely plant-based, with a heavy emphasis on vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes, and nuts. They consume meat in moderation.
Moderate Alcohol Consumption: Most Blue Zone communities drink alcohol moderately, particularly red wine, and usually with meals or friends.
Strong Social Connections: They have strong, supportive social circles that promote a sense of belonging, purpose, and community, reducing stress and increasing happiness.
Sense of Purpose: People in Blue Zones have a clear sense of purpose, which has been linked to longer life spans. They wake up with a reason to get out of bed, whether it’s family, work, or community involvement.
Stress Reduction: Regular stress-reducing practices like meditation, prayer, napping, or socializing with friends and family are part of their routines.
However, I say these are cherry-picked because, aside from Loma Linda, meat is a central fixture of the diet in all of the Blue Zones. Yet he uses the Blue Zones to promote his own agenda, and the role of diet, I think is blown out of proportion in terms of its importance for longevity. I’m not saying it’s not extremely important, but they kind of talk about it as being the most important thing. I think it would be more honest to say that these people eat whole, local, seasonal foods.
Other areas of the world have better life expectancies than many of the Blue Zones, Hong Kong and Iceland, just to name a few. These places were likely left out because there’s no way of getting around that these places eat a lot of animal products.
Additionally, there’s some speculation about fraud and inaccurate record-keeping.
The problem I personally have with Blue Zones is that it parcels longevity down into steps. More things to do and check off the list for someone in Western culture where we’re not all farmers or working with our hands, innately providing value to your community, inherently giving you purpose. It makes it feel like longevity is merely a series of steps to follow. It’s not integrated or practical and I kind of hate it.
*heavy sigh* Ok, so there are issues with the Blue Zones.
So what does keep you young then?
I think I know.
To be honest, I do agree with some of the sentiments of the Blue Zones—diet, natural movement, strong connections, and stress reduction are all crucial components of living a long and robust life. I don’t think anyone would argue otherwise. But from my observation of my own family and how they’ve aged, I feel like I can confidently say that purpose is THE thing. All of the other things are just symptoms of it.
And not just purpose, but purpose that is in service of others.
I think of my Auntie Di and great-grandma Opal. For both of them, providing value for other people—whether it’s farming, knitting, or a well-executed event and a mimosa made with love—is and was the cornerstone of their existence. And they didn’t over think it.
Not supplements, not a red light bed, not a fancy gym membership or cold plunge tub. But waking up every day, knowing that they matter, working with their hands, and actually engaging in life, getting up in it. Knowing who you are and what you believe in, and surrounding yourself with people you know and love who reciprocate all of that back to you. Honestly, I think you could have a pretty mediocre diet and live a long, fun life if you have this on lock.
We spend so much time thinking about the wrong things—all red herrings. It’s our individualist culture, where everyone is working just to look out for themselves and feed The Machine™ that is killing us. It’s sucked all of the joy and vibrance out of life. We sit behind screens, engage in parasocial relationships, and are led to believe that health is something you buy.
I protest.
It makes me want to throw ‘bows.
Bring back third spaces. Bring back doing favors for friends and neighbors with no incentives. Bring back slowing down just to be with each other.
Health and longevity start with how we interface and engage with the world around us. It STARTS there. Everything else is just a bonus.
A life in isolation is not a life worth living for any amount of time.
David Lynch was a smoker and drank Cokes every day but I think because he had purpose he lived much longer than most people with his lifestyle would. So yes I think you are onto something with the importance of purpose
I just loved this! Makes me want to make more changes in my life.