Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
—Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
I lay on my back on the laminate wood floor, cotton strap around my foot, pulling my leg towards my face as the instructor (incorrectly) gives queues for how to perform PNF.
Gotta get those hamstrings loose, ya know?
When, out of nowhere, she says, “Erin will be taking over my class while I’m gone. She’s a great breathwork coach, but doesn’t have any stretching experience.”
I’m sorry, what? First of all, what a weird thing to say. Second, why would I be taking over the class if I had no stretching experience?
“Actually,” I piped up in defense of myself, “I have a lot of stretching experience”.
Which was, more or less, ignored.
In that moment, I became keenly aware of how much other people's experiences, which inform the lens through which they view “reality”, determine how you are perceived. According to her worldview, based on a very narrow snippet of information about me, I am a breathwork coach. I couldn’t possibly know about stretching. I couldn’t have possibly been in the fitness industry in varying capacities for a decade. I couldn’t possibly have a special interest in mobility training.
No. That’s not what breathworkers do.
And she’s not the only one. I see the confused looks of people walking into the gym I teach at that say “Wait, that’s the breathing coach? Lifting heavy weights? With the muscles and 6-pack?” The cognitive dissonance is apparent (also, sorry to shatter any notions of what I look like lol).
But instead of fighting it, standing up in front of the class, proclaiming my level of expertise for all to hear, and having words with her after class, I, aside from my quiet attempt at correction, let it slide.
And not just because I avoid confrontation at all costs. But because I know, only after years of wearing myself out, that trying to manage how others perceive you is a losing game that’s not worth the energy.
What are you going to do? Walk around telling everyone you meet your whole life story? No. You’re going to have to let people think things about you that aren’t true. Things that have nothing to do with you, but are solely projections on how they view the world, their limiting beliefs, and how they feel about themselves.
There are as many versions of you that exist as people you have met.
And yet…
The internet has us believing that we can be one thing, and only one thing, forever. Better pick the right niche, because now it’s your whole personality and livelihood. Multi-passionate, multi-faceted personalities be damned. We want something predictable. Something I can see for 30 seconds and know exactly how to categorize you.
Humans are categorizing machines. Putting things into broad, generalized buckets is a fundamental cognitive process that allows us to simplify complex information. It’s how we navigate and make sense of the world. And it’s efficient—we’re exposed to 11 million bits of information per second, but can only consciously process about 50-70.
Unfortunately, there’s no escaping it. And, unfortunately X2, taking advantage of this innate human characteristic is an advantageous way to build a business and a brand.
The problem with niches, though, is that they inhibit self-exploration. You build a narrative in your head that “I am X, so I must only do what X people do”. In wanting to provide a clear and reliable persona, you begin to over-identify with it. In knowing that other people want to put you in a neat little bucket in their brains, you begin to do it to yourself.
Even the thought of the slightest pivot brings the fear of alienating others, ruining how they see you in their mind’s eye—that’s not what I’m here for. This is not what I thought this was. Showing other sides of yourself that might seem “off-brand” becomes a death-defying risk.
Putting yourself in a tidy box in a futile attempt to control how you are perceived is the curiosity killer. Eventually, life becomes one-dimensional and flat.
And god forbid you contradict yourself in any way.
But humans are full of contradictions. It’s in our nature. We are walking, talking sacks of contradictions and collections of things that don’t make sense to anyone but us.
I teach breathwork and I love lifting heavy. I love lifting heavy and alternative movement modalities. I love outdoor adventure and I’m a homebody. I’m a granola girl and a clean girl. I talk shit about plant medicine and I’m microdosing mushrooms as we speak. I think self-help can be problematic and it’s my favorite thing to consume. I believe that health isn’t something you can buy and I love my red light panel and I really want a PEMF mat. I reject Botox and injections and beauty standards and can’t wait until I’m in a place where I can afford microneedling facials and laser treatments. I don’t drink and I love weed. I have muscles and I love being feminine. I consider myself a minimalist and I love online shopping and am susceptible to Instagram ads.
I contain multitudes.
I was not put here to be predictable. I was not put here to be a brand. I was not put here to be a niche. I was put here to grow, evolve, and explore. To follow my curiosity. To experience as many corners of the human experience as possible.
Let other people perceive you however they want. Just don’t let it leak into how you perceive yourself.